New Paths

I am still in a funk, since his graduation. I am thrilled he's done so well. However, my heart is really broken.

I keep going back tot his single memory of holding him when he was an hour or two old. I was looking at his perfect hands, and toes and face. The beautiful eyelashes and the halo of gold that seemed to come off of him. Thinking to my 18 year old self that I was responsible for him. That he was my baby, my child, my strength, courgae, fear and life. He was to be so much to me. I knew this. I keep thinking about that moment and how I thought 18 years was a long way down the road. Not a mere glimpse of a life. My own aging doesn't bother me. But the processes where he grows to be a young man, leaves home and goes on to his own life, really kill me. I want him to have the very best. But just yesterday he was so little.

I wrote these two poems for him. The first, Angel At Rest, was written before he was born. I just knew what he'd be like. I was right. The secopnd was written when he was going to live with his dad for a year. I did not intend for him to read them, but he found them one day as we were packing things. He sat and cried his heart out when he read the second one. Someday, I'll give it back to him again.


ANGEL AT REST

YOU MY CHILD
YOU LAY IN A BLANKET OF INNOCENCE
MADE FROM LOVE

WE HELD EACH OTHER
WE LOVED EACH OTHER
AND FROM THIS YOU CAME

YOUR EYES ARE MINE
YOUR FACE FROM YOUR FATHER
YOUR HEART STRONG, THAT OF A WARRIOR

YOUR HAIR IS GOLD,
-A FLAXEN ANGEL WING
AND YOU, YOU ARE THE ANGEL

MY GIFT OF LOVE FROM YOUR FATHER
MY GIFT OF LOVE TO YOUR FATHER

UNINTENDED, BUT NOT UNINVITED

I PRAY FOR YOU TO GROW
I PRAY FOR YOU TO LIVE

I PRAY FOR YOUR HEALTH
I PRAY FOR YOUR WELL BEING

YOU ARE ALL THAT IS, ALL THAT WAS
AND ALL THAT SHALL BE

YOU ARE MY CHILD
I AM YOUR MOTHER
HE IS YOUR FATHER
WE ARE YOUR FAMILY

BERLIN, GE
01/10/86


JENNINGS

BEFORE YOU CAME TO ME, I KNEW WHO YOU'D BE
I KNEW WHAT YOU'D LOOK LIKE, I COULD SEE YOUR FACE

I SAW YOUR EYES, COUNTED YOUR FINGERS AND TOES
TWEAKED YOUR BUTTON NOSE AND HELD YOU CLOSE

WE ARE OF ONE, IN A JOURNEY OF TIME
YOU WILL SEE, YOU ARE ALWAYS MINE

YOU WERE MY SECRET FOR SO LONG,
I HID YOU AWAY AND TRIED TO BE STRONG

IN THE MORNING HOURS, BEFORE ANYONE WOULD RISE
I'D PUT ON THE MUSIC AND DREAM OF YOU THERE

I KNOW IF YOU LOOK BACK, REACH BACK FAR
YOU WOULD REMEMBER, WHEN IT WAS JUST US

I WROTE YOU A POEM, IT SAID HAIR OF GOLD
EYES OF GREEN, HEART OF A WARRIOR

YOU WEREN'T EVEN HERE YET,
YOU WEREN'T EVEN BORN

THOSE THINGS I SAID, THOSE AND MORE,
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CONNECTED TO YOU

WHEN I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES, WHEN YOU INTO MINE
WE CONNECTED AFTER ALL THAT SPACE AND TIME

I SWORE ON THAT DAY AND SO MANY OTHERS,
I WOULD NEVER LOOSE YOU, NEVER GIVE YOU UP

YOU WITH A HEART SO FIERCELY LOYAL AND TRUE
YOU'VE GROWN TO BE SO HEALTHY AND STRONG

WHICH IS WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED FOR YOU
TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY

BUT I AM LETTING YOU GO NOW
I KNOW IT IS GOOD, I KNOW YOU WILL BE HAPPY

WHEN YOU MISS ME MOST, AND FEEL IT IN YOUR HEART
MAKE A WISH ON THE PAIN AND IT WILL TURN TO A FLUTTER

I WILL KNOW YOU NEED ME,
I TOO, WILL FEEL IT IN MY HEART

WE CAME FROM A PLACE SO FAR FROM THE REALM OF TIME
WHERE OUR MINDS WERE CONNECTED, OUR SOULS ADJOINED

THIS NOW IS MERE DISTANCE THAT KEEPS US APART
NOT TIME OR SPACE. THIS WE CAN DEFEAT!

REMEMBER:
I AM YOUR MOTHER,
HE IS YOUR FATHER
WE ARE YOUR FAMILY
REMEMBER, I AM YOUR FRIEND

TULSA, OK
05/09/97


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