N is for Nasty-Gram, Neurotic, Nasty & Not Happy

An Alphabytes Entry

I started this the other day...I could not find my draft entry (which is just as well) so I am starting anew. Just as well, I was pretty damned NEGATIVE. (hmmmm, is that another *N* word?)

We were so positive that we were getting orders to Fort Drum...and I do mean positive. Happy, thrilled and feeling pretty good. Sitting here waiting on orders to drop, to give us a date. Then the nasty-gram happened. The orders dropped alright. Just to a place we never thought we'd have to do. A place I'd already done. A place, that when I delve into my past and wonder where certain neurotic tendencies come from, I remember this place first. It's for sure a *Once Bitten, Twice Shy* kind of thing. Oddly enough, that's where I learned the meaning of just that phrase. It was our mantra. *Twice Shy*

So anyway, the Nasty-gram that made me more neurotic than I'd been before, and feeling really damned nasty, was for Fort Polk, Louisiana. When I left there 13 years and 11 days ago, I was sure I'd never occupy that space and time like I had for those five years. I hope that final thought doesn't come back to haunt me too.

I'm 18 years older than when I first arrived there, 13 years older than when I'd left. A world wiser since leaving, and definitely happier than when I was there. I left with a 5 year old boy in tow. I return with a 4 year old boy in tow. The 5 year old is going back to a space in time he didn't think he'd go back to either. There really is a lot more to be positive about, than negative. So I am accepting it. I am moving forward...Just taking a lot more to do it. I guess I need to accept that my life is somehow tied to that place.

I am looking forward to one thing, very selfishly. I am looking forward to working at the Kisatchie Dinner Theater again. I learned my love of it there. Even though I'd been in it for years by the time I got there, I really found a new part of me there. My husband pulled up their web page and found the directors name. He was our musical director back then. He was so funny. Maybe, I'll really get back to it again.

anyway, there's your N's...Lord knows, I provided enough!

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