T is for Tenacity and Turmoil

With this upcoming move, now, less than a month away, I keep wondering if I have the tenacity to make this.
For the last year, we've been through hoops of fire waiting on orders, hoping for the best. Periods of calm, then return to stormy waters. Then we figure out where we are going *for sure*, and that gets changed. I settle in on my fate at Polk and about the time health issues start compounding with the family, and I find myself thankful I won't be going too far from home, we find it's likely we won't be living there long. Maybe only a couple of months.

We have tried to make plans, it's not happening. Prince Sexy Bitch is going to miss the first semester of college. This is killing him. I am an idiot, I should never have talked him into the first year at home. I am going to pull all of his paperwork and see if I can't get him into the college by my parents. At least he'll be stabilized. I feel like I have screwed up his life. As a matter of fact, it's why it's 6:35 AM on Sunday and I've been up for 2 hours. I just woke from a guilty nightmare about how screwed up this whole situation has become.

Little man is screwed for starting his first year of school. (Preschool) We are in transit now, in the middle of a school year--where we used to be a summer move. This will be a nightmare later for him as he goes through school. I think it's a clincher for getting the hell out of the service.

We can't plan to pack to just move, we have to pack in a certain order, so we can have a partial delivery when we get there, since we are likely to be living in a temp apt for a few months--and possibly then, moving again. If we end up on the road to Upstate Washington, it'll be more time before we are settled.

I know fate takes you where you are supposed to be, but I am wondering why over the cheese grater is where we are supposed to be.

I compile list after list, after list. Trying to keep my thoughts in order. Tonight, I was flipping through my notepad, to make a new list for our trip this week, and I realized I am the queen of lists. I can't believe how many lists I've got going on--and how none are invalid. WTF? How many other people are up in the air like this? Locked into perpetual turmoil?

Every move, there will be some issue. Some problem. Never easy. I know this. But I feel like I am going to burst with all of this stress. I have been married 6 years and had three moves, none have been easy or quality. They have each been a nightmare. Were it not for my parents to help me out (Getting my animals, picking me up, taking my kids, taking my pets) I just couldn't do this. How do people without this kind of support get through it? The insanity is just looming out there waiting to rip me a new one. I can feel it.

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